Russell (Rusty) Byron Graves, Jr.
To Whom it May Concern:
It has come to my attention that we are in need of a few words about one of my favorite people, because if it were left up to him all you would be reading here in this obit is “I don’t give a shit” – the obituary itself was unimportant to him.
But writing this obit is not up to him so here it goes…
After a brief illness, on April 8, 2026, surrounded by those he loved most, Russell B Graves Jr shuffled off this mortal coil to reunite with those who preceded him. His mother Kathryn Wingerd, his father Russell Graves, Sr and his sister Katie Martin. Please be it known that Rusty “hasn’t used ‘Jr’ for fifty years” even though it’s on his driver’s license.
Rusty is survived by his:
- Wife, Sylvia Ryan
- 10 children – Julia Graves (Daniel Russell), Matthew Kovacs (Aneliya), Earl Kovacs, Kathryn Davis, Barbara Graves, Kathleen Graves and Alexandra Graves (Ashton Brown), Lorraine Mathews, Sarah Graves, and Russell Graves III (Becky)
- 4 Siblings – Arthur Graves (Norah Ryan), Mary Susan Schaub (Tom), Robert Graves (Kong Sim “Kim”) and Phillip Michael-Patrick (aka Anthony) Graves
- 15 Grandchildren – Andrew (Terra), Kian, Kimber, Miles, Brandon, Aristotle, Ivy, Dexter, Keaharah, Kaden, Kynslee, Scott, Novel, Russell IV and Luecken
- Innumerable non-biological children, nieces, nephews, cousins, ball players, Boy Scouts and friends. He did not know a stranger, only family he had yet to meet.
- And last, but definitely not least, his “Girlfriend” J-Lo
His grand adventure all began three quarters of a century ago, January 18, 1951. The first born of Kathryn and Russell Sr., little Russie (eventually “Rusty”) grew up in South St. Louis County leading his five younger siblings in any manner of mischief that could be found. For instance, as told to his first batch of kids, the time Rusty and his brother were playing a fun game of “ship”, as two little boys do, on the top of their bunk beds, which ended abruptly when the ship’s anchor was tossed overboard, resulting in said anchor’s arm being broken. (Per the anchor (Art), he was shoved off the bed because Rusty simply didn’t want him up there – arm broken in 3 places.) One other time, he and his brother Arthur happened upon an empty bleach bottle in their backyard (at that time in history bleach bottles were made of glass). The budding engineers decided to perform an experiment. Rumor has it they wanted to see how the concept of propulsion worked. Rusty sat on the bleach bottle and inserted the garden hose into the bottle. Art turned the water on full blast, culminating in the shattering of the bottle right between Rusty’s legs and yet another trip to the emergency room. Thankfully this experiment did not do any permanent damage, otherwise Rusty would not have been able to go on to bless the world with his offspring.
Following in his father’s footsteps, in 1968 Russ took a trip down to the recruiter’s office,
“where you walk in, you get injected, inspected, detected, infected, neglected and selected” to enlist in the Army. His dream of escaping the hardships of being the eldest child for the paradise that was Vietnam were quickly dashed. During the intake process he was classified as 4F, medically disqualified for a scar in his eye that later turned out to be a piece of dust or some such thing. (His wife Sylvia only heard about the scarring…) As a result, his military career was converted into a 2-week vacation. Yet another example of divine intervention extending the trajectory of his life.
In 1969 he married Charlene and 6 months later started his own family. The 3 “OG” children, Lorraine, Julia and Russ were the light of his life. Supporting them in all of their adventures, it was with and for them that he began the cultivation of his belief that anything worth doing was worth over-doing. He dove headfirst into many endeavors during his life. When his kids were young he leapt into softball for 8 years, managing Ron & Shirley’s Green Machine to multiple league championships after which he transitioned into living out his dream of becoming a big-league umpire as the Chief Umpire at the local ballfields for several years. He succeeded in ruining his voice.
It was with the “OG” kids that he also got his first taste of Boy Scouts. It was there that he found his bliss and his people. He immersed himself, so much so that we believed he was a reincarnation of Lord Baden Powell, founder of The Boy Scouts Association. He always had as much fun hanging with the other leaders as the youth and often getting into more trouble. Shenanigans and tomfoolery were always afoot. It was during this first stint, that he earned his Woodbadge Beads and perfected his talent of starting a fire without matches. A trick that he never failed to show-off given the opportunity and a new audience. (One Boy Scout camping trip was actually done with no boys…the boys cancelled, the adults did not.)
After his divorce in 1989, he began immersing himself into the culture of his dear friends. He became fluent in Spanish and believed he was actually Venezuelan for a time.
In 1996, he developed a strong relationship with Sylvia. In 1997 Russ achieved self-enlightenment while participating in the Phoenix 2000 seminar focusing on different aspects of personal and professional success. It was after this weeklong experience that he finally proposed to and married Sylvia and her 2 children Matthew and Earl. With his wife’s support, Rusty was motivated to complete his Bachelor of Science in Civil Engineering from the University of Missouri-St Louis/Washington University Joint Undergraduate Engineering Program on January 10th, 1999.
Because Sylvia “could not keep her hands off of him” (Who could blame her? He came equipped with a fuel storage system for a high-powered sex machine.) and Rusty’s fierce love for, dedication to and protection of his family, in 2001 they together rounded out their herd with the adoption their 5 granddaughters. As a result, he once again dove headfirst into Scouting. This time it was not only Boy Scouts with Matthew, Earl and Andrew but also Girl Scouts. Because he was a Scout leader, the girls were able to participate in a number of the Boy Scout events – girl crushes galore. He led the boys on many adventures such as canoeing 100 miles through the Boundary Waters. The two Boundary Waters trips he made were definitely a highlight of his life. He had the honor of awarding Matthew and Andrew their Eagle Scout Rank. He accompanied the girls on many camping trips and made the Girl Scout Pilgrimage to the Birthplace (Savannah, Georgia) with them. He also became the resident videographer for Kathy’s ballet performances and sat through countless music performances for Earl.
Spending summers on his grandfather’s farm in Indiana as a kid prepared and inspired him for his Farmer Russ era, where he went all out and turned his backyard into a farm. With the help of his indentured servants (i.e., kids) he obsessively grew all sorts of produce to feed the masses.
In the summer of 2018, at the age of 67, channeling their inner Orville and Wilber Wright, he and his brother Art set out to engineer themselves an airplane. This project began and remained in Sylvia’s garage for 2 ½ years before being moved to a hanger at Smart Field so they could put the tail and wings on; Sylvia wasn’t keen on the idea of making holes in the kitchen and dining room walls for such attachments. (I was asked to note that while the project occupied that space, it was possible to walk through the garage.) After another 2 years, Hub and Garth [see the movie Second Hand Lions for reference] finally achieved their airworthiness certification. That is just over 4000 hours between the 2 of them in the builder’s log. As part of the adventure, the brothers began the process of getting their pilots licenses. Russ had 95 hours of flight time under his belt, including 28 hours solo and 67 hours of dual instruction towards his Private Pilots License. Those close to him who had seen the movie were convinced they knew how this story was to end. He may not have gone out in a blaze of glory, flying upside-down through the barn, but he “went out with his boots on, that’s the main thing.”
In true Scout fashion, Rusty was a saver. Everything may have had a use, sometime in the future. Sylvia has the unenviable task of cleaning out his hoards. There will be many benefactors of his stuff including Goodwill, Scouts and the dump. But as we dig out of the mountain, treasures will also be found. Sylvia has already staked claim on his “Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot” t-shirt.
Russ had a great many adventures and passions in his lifetime. Extremely curious and well-read, he was a ceaseless font of knowledge and useless trivia. Ever the wordsmith, he was constantly regurgitating random quotes from speeches, songs, movies, books, poems or conversations etched into his brain for some inexplicable reason. He was fluent in 3 languages: English, Spanish and Sarcasm. He was a lover of music, stage, screen, the outdoors, cooking and flying, to name a few. He was a kind soul who would stop and “jump a strange woman [her car, of course], just to be nice.” Above ALL else he loved his family (blood and chosen). He is responsible for so much of what is good in the children he raised and spent time with and every ounce of the inappropriateness within them.
In his own words, he had no regrets. He led a good life, a full life. He did a lot of great things, had many adventures, met a lot of great people, he loved and was loved in return.
One of the things he was most proud of, was “spreading his seeds”. His passion for the scouting movement was deep. The greatest lessons learned from him and his final lecture (#168, IYKYK) was to serve our youth for they are our future. We may never know how our seeds of love or knowledge grow in them but they do. And there is no greater reward than being able to witness that growth.
To ALL of Rusty’s former scouts, ball players and other various and sundry youth that he had the pleasure of helping shape and or influence in some way, and there are too many of you to count, please know that he loved you till the very end. He saw it as an honor to be part of your lives.
Forever in our hearts, we will bury you in the corn next to the damn lion.
Love Always,
JLo‘s cousin’s uncle’s nephew’s barber’s gardener, Jose Lopez
One last time “I love you daddy…. do the roar”